Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
