so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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