she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
