Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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