I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
