i think i have two assholes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
