My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
