explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
