i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
