i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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