she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
