we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
