Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
