Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
