My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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