i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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