don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
