How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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