the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
tell me about the eggs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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