So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
