umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
tell me about the fingering
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