you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
