just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
