The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
