Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
try to milk me bitch
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
