I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
