You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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