i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
