the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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