I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
