Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
