Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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