Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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