i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
