I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
