yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
