I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
