you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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