Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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