I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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