I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
