Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
