Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
