If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
