My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
