My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize