Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
