Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
