i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize