I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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