So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
