He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
