I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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