Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
