im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We named our party play list daddy issues
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
