i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
