he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
