I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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