She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize