ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
