Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
