nut hugger
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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