Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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