He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
