He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just google imaged poop.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
