i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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