Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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