just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
