The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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