My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
