I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
