I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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